Parachute anyone?

Dave warned me that if I title it that, I'll have crazy people coming out of the woodwork! I'll take my chances!

So, a while back I took the boys to the Children's Museum with my friend Angie and her kids. One of the museum workers brought out a parachute. You know, the kind where everyone sits in a circle and takes a handle and you lift it up and down. So, Joseph grabbed a handle and I sat behind him. The worker gave instructions on what to do. Joseph wasn't following very well, so I told him to listen to the man and sit down on his knees like the other kids. He didn't do "up...down" so I said it with the man, "up....down...up...down." Finally Joseph had enough of my back seat parachuting and dropped it to go play something else.

Now, have I really become that kind of mom? The kind that makes kids do it right until they don't want to do it at all. Emphatically NOT! You see, I have a history with parachutes in particular. I spent a lot of years in elementary school and then 5 years teaching preschool and I just REALLY HATED it when kids wouldn't follow the directions! I'm mean come on! up....down...up...down. And what really irritated me was when kids would let go and run to the middle when they weren't supposed to or wouldn't go under and sit on their hands to make a big puff ball when they WERE supposed to!! Or just step on the parachute so no one could play at all! But the worst of all, the mother of all parachute sins, was dropping the ball! When the ball comes your way, lift UP for pity's sake! LIFT UP! For once I just wanted to play parachute with kids who care! Kids who wanted to make it work! What were they thinkin? Were they having fun ruining it for me? It's not all fun and games you know!

So basically, what I'm asking for is a group of people who want to do it right!....But who won't get mad at me if I drop the ball.

With the Reflex of a Puma!

I have to share the most amazing story! A few weeks ago, Dave and I took the MAX (like TRAX) to the "Starlight parade". A parade at night in downtown Portland. (If you want to skip the background story and get right to the good stuff, just go directly to the "*".) We left the kids home so it was a real date! Anyway, we got on the train and a while later this drunk guy gets on and sits behind us. After giving us the "bump" and telling us how cool we are, everyone just kinda settles in. He seemed friendly enough as many drunk men are.A few young families get on and he tries talking to them. Pretty soon everyone starts ignoring him and it makes him real mad. He's starting to scare the little kids who are now clinging to their moms. He's calling all the women "beautiful" and when they don't respond he uses, you know, that "F" word and he's spitting all over the place. I told Dave, "I've had enough, we need to go push the button and get some help". Meanwhile, the train was totally stopped to wait for the 5K runners to pass. We finally got our courage up to push the button, but we had to walk past the "perp".

*As I walked past him, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him reach for my, what say...bottom, and BAM! WITH THE REFLEX OF A PUMA, I smacked his arm back. Yes! flashbacks of my mission came to me, only this time I deflected his moves with a fierce blow. We made it to the button box, where I said to Dave, "You push it." He answered, "No, you push it." So....I pushed the button. The operator said, "How can I help you?" And I quote, "There is this drunk guy back here harrassing everyone and scaring little kids and he tried to grab my bum but I hit him!" Long story short, he calls the cops. As they come toward our train, the drunk dude tries to get off but the doors are locked. The cops say, "Where's the bad guy?" And Dave triumphantly reaches over everyone and says, "Here's the bad guy!" Go Dave. They haul him off and cheers go up from the back of the train! The cops ask who the victim was. I was like, "I guess its me? but not really cuz I hit him." So mostly I'm the hero! They asked if I wanted to press charges. No, I didn't really have time or I'd miss the parade. Another bad guy gets away. Urrgh! I'll book 'em next time!
I have to go cut Dave's hair now. But I have just enough time to write about the homeless lady without teeth who stood by us during the parade with her pregnant pet rat on her shoulder. She was more than happy to let me pet it and we had a grand time.

Addendum:

Yes, I know it should be "reflexes of a puma" but "reflex" just sounds better. It goes with the flow.
And No, I didn't talk about poop. Maybe next time!!! You never know!!

Dear Abby, I need some serious help!

Yes, I'm one of those mothers who hate it when people tell me what to do with my kids, but today I'm soliciting advice from all you professional mothers out there. Within one weeks time, my 3 year old who shall remain anonymous (except he starts with a "J" and ends with an "oseph") has driven me to import my mother from Utah. Within 6 short days, he emptied 4 bottles of food coloring on himself and the kitchen (Ok, so I've finally learned my lesson not to shower while he is awake!),he drew with a green Sharpie marker all over Isaac's walls, crib, door, clothes, carpet, etc., and last of all spread poop all over his own carpet, walls, door, train table, and managed to frost each individual train car and train track with it. Then he poured a glass of water over it all. I walked in to a naked smiling boy(who was supposed to be napping) standing on his train table saying, "Hi Mommy!" No clue, no regret, no remorse. How do you even punish that? The next day brought more mild acting up. I ran upstairs (it took less than a minute!) to put Isaac down for a nap, and Joseph had pulled a chair up to the counter, dipped a paintbrush(I had just painting and cleaned it!:) in the sugar bowl, gotten out a bowl and was baking something with sugar and baking powder. What the heck? Help? Straight jacket? Military school? What are my options here people?

Moving on, Isaac is pulling himself up to stand, holding on to anything and everything. He is getting better at falling without getting hurt. His smiles are just infectious and he loves loves loves attention! I did not stage the guitar video. FACT.

I know some of you are just dying to know who the customer of the week is! Well hold on there partner! Lets go back to February! February's customer of the MONTH was Mary H. who uses them in her fabulous costume shop! Last week's customer of the week was Heather K. (Dave's fabulous cousin). Rah Rah Rah!! and Hurraaaaay for you gals!

Don't you hate it when you go to a Scentsy party and you forget to write down what scents were your faves? Gosh! I HATE that! Don't let that happen to you again!! My Scentsy Spring Openhouse is this Wednesday night (the 18th) at 7pm! Come try out the 20 new Spring/Summer scents. No pressure, no pushy sales pitch (and you KNOW how pushy I can be!), just sample and write, sample and write. Stay for as little or as long as you like! www.scentsy.com/serenitynow

Of Mascara and Men

So, my son wears make-up. "Not that there's anything wrong with that."(see old Seinfeld episode) Last time we saw what happens when I thought I could shower. This is what happens when I think I can clean the kitchen. What you're not seeing is the big ball of toilet paper on the floor next to him. So, he unrolls the whole roll right? I can handle that. Kids do that all the time. We'll just use it up on an as needed basis. But later, when his nose is running down his face and I tell him to get a tissue. He picks up the whole pile of tp and wipes his nose across it. Needless to say, I've been inspecting each square before I use it.

Later that day, he is playing "jammies up", he and his cousin Talmage's version up "dress up" in pjs and underwear. He puts on Talmage's pj top and Lightning McQueen underwear. I'm thinkin "woo hoo!" he's excited again!!! We go through the whole run around, if you feel the pee pees or poops coming out, RUN TO THE POTTY! bla bla bla .... About 10 minutes later, his Cars underwear is full of poop, very very soft poop. uhhhhhh (that's a loud sigh) I love Joseph. I love how he sings so well in Primary and I love how he sings, "My life is plan...my life is purfose!" over and over. He loves when the misshuraries come over and he loves to practice "being baptized" every time he sees the picture of John baptizing Jesus. He puts his hands in the right place on Dave's arm and plugs his nose with his knuckles. We do this baptism ritual every night between scriptures and prayers. I love how he say's, "Mom, are you poopy?" That's my kid!!

As for Isaac, he's been a very very sad little bear. He has a runny nose and 4 teeth trying to come in on top at the pace of a snail. They say it feels like fingernails being pulled out slowly over time. I feel soooooo bad for the little bubba. He is still so smiley in the morning and laughs out loud when his face is snuggled. But he's very pitiful a lot of the time. The only good thing about it is he likes to be snuggled and that is fun for mom and dad. We love our little snuggly bear to a million pieces!

I have to apologize. I actually DID have customers of the MONTH last month that didn't get their full share of credit. It was a 3 way tie between my mom, Joseph's birth-grandma, and my neighbor Gemia who bought a warmer for her Grandma (bless 'er heart)

The warmer of the month is 10% off PLUS an additional 10% off because EVERYTHING IS 10% OFF IN FEBRUARY!! That makes it $24.30 instead of $30. It's practically a steal!! Don't think the math through too much. Its NOT 20% off, that would make it $24. It's 10% off of 10% off. Yeah, they need the extra 30 cents. I'm just saying to check it out. Click on the link and then on "What's new". I'm just sayin......

Potty Training FOR a day...

Ok, so I think potty training is lame, stupid, AND dumb! I read the book Potty Training in a Day, right? I did everything she said to do and bought everything she said to buy. I bought snacks, chocolate milk, all kinds of New Year's paraphanelia, Thomas underwear, a doll, and I even made Thomas underwear for the doll! I made posters that make it look like we're on a train, bought presents and all the hoopla. On January 1st, we successfully the trained the doll in the morning. He put up with it pretty well, but after Joseph threw a huge fit. He did NOT want to wear the underpants! After an entire morning of this, I took a little potty training depression nap. I was awaken by 2 boys in underwear jumping on my bed and screaming "underwear party!" Dave had gotten Joseph to put on underwear by wearing HIS underwear. OK! Let the potty training party begin!! "woo hoo!", I think. Let's go! So, we kept going. At the end of the day, you have a throwing away the diaper ceremony and put them in pull-ups for bed. When Joseph saw the pull-ups, he looked as if he'd seen a long lost friend, "Dipes!!!" He was so happy to see them. In the morning he refused to wear underwear. He hates them!!! The struggle is over. I'm NOT going to train him. He'll figger it out himself someday. I give up. After breakfast, he found some of the New Year's streamers and threw them in the air and yelled, "Hurray the doll!!" Yeah, hurray the doll.

The pictures having absolutely nothing to do with potty training. They're just my cute kids at home and at the beach. Possibly a Christmas pic or 2.

I'm devastated to say there is no customer of the week. (Go ahead, click on it!) January has not been kind to the Jo. We're crossing our fingers that Scentsy has a 10% off sale in February. It's happened before, so stay tuned!! Not to mention, the February warmer is called "Symphony" and is very classy!

Love, Jo

Christmas Hoopla

2 events to share today. First of all, last Saturday we did a very cool Christmas family thing to do and took a ride on the Christmas train! It was a steam engine decorated with lights and presents and such. Joseph was in heaven. During the ride we were able to walk around a little bit. We went to a car that was open to the outside with a gate. There was a man playing Christmas songs on the violin, big presents, and a reindeer made of lights. We looked out the window for a while, then Joseph ran off (like he does) down a little hall. Dave and I heard the jingle of bells, and before he knew it, Joseph had smacked right in to Santa Claus. It scared him to death and he came running back to me as fast as he could. Santa gave each of us a candy cane and let us take a couple of pics. I hope it hasn't ruined Joseph's relationship with Santa for life. I guess worse things could happen. maybe.

Next, I have renounced my anal, perfectionist ways for good. This year I bought a gingerbread house kit. I didn't realize that the mom was supposed to have spent all day building it and letting the cement frosting harden. It takes like 2 hours between each step before you can move on! So, basically we each just grabbed a wall, slathered it with frosting and candy, and leaned them against each other supported by soup cans, hoping they'd stay. It turned out to be way more fun than aesthetically pleasing and was eaten within 6 days. Also, when we decorated the tree, I left my most breakable ornaments in the box, and just took a breath and let go, even when Joseph was stepping on the ornaments. I just kept the glue handy and kept patching them up. whew! Live in the moment!

Last of all, I know many of you were waiting for the very last second to order your Scentsy supplies for Christmas. Basically, you're too late. You had to order by midnight the 15th to get guaranteed shipping by Christmas. Lucky for you though, I have some stock on hand! BUT! I will be leaving for Utah on the 18th and you'll be up a crick. (that's how we say creek in Payson) You may just have to wait til January. By the way, the January warmer of the month is a rose-colored one, kind of shaped like my favorite, Torino. And.....the customer of the week is..... Isaac's birthmom and her mom, who each ordered enough to qualify for free shipping and free and half price stuff! Hurrah for them!! Just put an order together with your friends and you too can qualify! la la la

The very last picture is what I get for thinking I can go take a shower. 9 smashed eggs, 8 maids a milking, 7......

merry christmas!!!

Sorry I forgot....

I know after my last post, many if not all of you were like, "What the heck? Who was customer of the week? Was it me???" Well, I didn't want to mix church and state, so I thought I should wait a bit for the big reveal!! My customer of the week was Angie B, my friend down in Corvallis. She had a great Scentsy party down there and with only 3 guests still managed to earn over $35 in free products! The other thing I want to point out is even if you have never followed the link to my website before, you need to do it this time because you just HAVE to see the beautiful December Wamer of the Month. (Did I mention its $27 instead of $30 this month only?) I'm not saying you have to buy it, I'm just saying its the prettiest one I've seen. (and did I mention there's over 50 warmers to choose from?) www.scentsy.com/serenitynow It's not to late to order for Christmas! Just order by the 15th for on-time delivery for the big day! Oh, I also need to do a "shout out" to my girls at "The Style Co." for running an ad for me in their newsletter. If you ever wondered to yourself, "Why does Jo dress so HOT half the time and like a super scrounge the other half?", you can thank Amy and Kerri (for the HOT half, that is!) Since I'm pretty sure my blog gets over a billion hits a day, I'll return the favor. Check them out at http://www.the-style-co.com/ You won't be sorry you did and you're spouse will wonder , "Where the heck did my scroungy counterpart go?" I'm just sayin! And..if you are thinking, "Why does she use this as a forum to sell her darn wickless (and very safe!) candles", you don't need to read it anymore. You're officially univited, and if this were stupid facebook, I'd break up with you! ha!

Oh shoot! I just realized I've been neglecting my fan base who is purely and clearly devoted to Joseph's poop chronicles. (that was in brown ink if you can't tell! tee hee!) So, he's changed his own diaper 3 times in the last 2 days. He folds the diaper neatly in a package, but still runs around with a poopy bottom. I just want you all to know that I've reserved all the potty training books AND kit at the library and will be reading fervently while anticipating January 1st. The BIG day! The other night Joseph said, "Oh crap!" Good job mom and dad, your 2 year old now says Mormon swears. Uh....we didn't teach it to him!

Speaking of my billion hits a day. Please don't link my blogsite from yours or from anywhere. I am computerly retarded so I'm not sure how any of that works. But I really only want people who know our family to read this. Dave assures me we are protected/blocked/whatever the heck it all means. But we really need our privacy/anonymity when it comes to certain birthfathers of certain kids of ours. Anyway, I might post a picture or 2 now that will most certainly appear at the top. They were taken at Cousin Robin's First Annual Turkey Trot! Dave did the 3 mile run. Jo did the 1 mile walk (so!!) Joseph came in 3rd in the 50 yard dash(against bigger and older kids!), and Isaac was a total slacker and slept the whole time. Still gotta love him tho! Cute lil bear!

Love, jo