With the Reflex of a Puma!

I have to share the most amazing story! A few weeks ago, Dave and I took the MAX (like TRAX) to the "Starlight parade". A parade at night in downtown Portland. (If you want to skip the background story and get right to the good stuff, just go directly to the "*".) We left the kids home so it was a real date! Anyway, we got on the train and a while later this drunk guy gets on and sits behind us. After giving us the "bump" and telling us how cool we are, everyone just kinda settles in. He seemed friendly enough as many drunk men are.A few young families get on and he tries talking to them. Pretty soon everyone starts ignoring him and it makes him real mad. He's starting to scare the little kids who are now clinging to their moms. He's calling all the women "beautiful" and when they don't respond he uses, you know, that "F" word and he's spitting all over the place. I told Dave, "I've had enough, we need to go push the button and get some help". Meanwhile, the train was totally stopped to wait for the 5K runners to pass. We finally got our courage up to push the button, but we had to walk past the "perp".

*As I walked past him, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him reach for my, what say...bottom, and BAM! WITH THE REFLEX OF A PUMA, I smacked his arm back. Yes! flashbacks of my mission came to me, only this time I deflected his moves with a fierce blow. We made it to the button box, where I said to Dave, "You push it." He answered, "No, you push it." So....I pushed the button. The operator said, "How can I help you?" And I quote, "There is this drunk guy back here harrassing everyone and scaring little kids and he tried to grab my bum but I hit him!" Long story short, he calls the cops. As they come toward our train, the drunk dude tries to get off but the doors are locked. The cops say, "Where's the bad guy?" And Dave triumphantly reaches over everyone and says, "Here's the bad guy!" Go Dave. They haul him off and cheers go up from the back of the train! The cops ask who the victim was. I was like, "I guess its me? but not really cuz I hit him." So mostly I'm the hero! They asked if I wanted to press charges. No, I didn't really have time or I'd miss the parade. Another bad guy gets away. Urrgh! I'll book 'em next time!
I have to go cut Dave's hair now. But I have just enough time to write about the homeless lady without teeth who stood by us during the parade with her pregnant pet rat on her shoulder. She was more than happy to let me pet it and we had a grand time.

Addendum:

Yes, I know it should be "reflexes of a puma" but "reflex" just sounds better. It goes with the flow.
And No, I didn't talk about poop. Maybe next time!!! You never know!!