My mom's brown paper bag

Ask me if I beat my kids? The answer is no.

I just went upstairs to check on Joseph and found him on the bathroom floor mixing hotel sized shampoo, condition, and an entire tube of Desitin together on the rug. whew.......deep breath.

Yesterday I took them to to the library. We usually get 5 books, 2 movies, and then we go. Did I do the usual? No, I had to go and try to be the best mom in the world and let them stay in the quiet story area and play. This is the area of the library where you sit with your sweet child and quietly put together puzzles,etc. (I did Not push the underline button and now I can't figure out how to turn it off!) After 2 seconds Isaac was tired of the big ABC puzzle and wanted to push the stroller around. I was helping Joseph and when I turned back Isaac was gone(with the stroller and my purse). I ran to the dvd section where he had run before, but he wasn't there. I ran to the front desk where a librarian was standing near the entrance looking astounded. (what? astounded? If you've seen the kid, stop him!!) I said, "Kid with a stroller??!!!" And she pointed outside. As I pushed through the people coming out, I mumbled loudly, "Who would open the door to let a baby out?!!!!" I ran out just in time to see a nice lady keep him from pushing my purse laden stroller into the parking lot. She asked how old he was and I told her not quite 2. She said, "I saw the whole thing! He pushed the automatic door button and walked right through!" I buckled him back in the stroller which is where he stayed and went back to finish the darn ABC puzzle with Joseph. Luckily he didn't even know I was gone. I sweatin like crazy so I took off my sweatshirt and had a scrougy t-shirt and jeans on. I laid down on the beanbags to catch my breath. I didn't realize how loud Joseph was getting, (because heck I 'm used to it) but moments later the librarian came in (I'm thinking, "great, I look like this scroungy mom who keeps having babies and can't handle them") and yelled at us for being too noisy (well, you know how sweet librarian ladies "yell") and how he wasn't using his library voice and people were complaining. By this point I'm just sweating. Lets just finish the freakin puzzle and get the heck outta here! I did M through Z myself in about 10 seconds flat.

And now we come to the brown paper bag. As many of you know, Joseph is allergic to everything. My mom came up with this BRRRilliant idea when she was visiting. She hid regular yoplait yogurt(compared to homemade goat yogurt that he won't eat anyway) in a brown paper bag behind the veggies in the crisper so Joseph can't find them. It worked like a charm, until today. When I came downstairs from putting Isaac down for a nap, he had downed 2 yoplaits. The rest of the day he's been literally bouncing off the walls, furniture, and us.

Do you know how much I love my boys?? I'm still here ain't I? :)

I HATE capes!!

Urrgh! I've just always hated capes and the kids who wear them are so gross!! It seems like its always these pale scrawny kids who run around in nothing but underwear and always wet the bed! They wear them for days and overnight and to the store and they stink!!! Yuck!! Sometimes moms make them at "Super Saturday" craft day and I just have to make fun them!!

OK, so Joseph wants to be Superman for Halloween. Where did he even get that idea? His cousin Talmage has Superman pjs(complete with cape) and Joseph has borrowed them for at least a week. He wears them all day, to bed, and yes, the next day. BUT NOT to the store!! And yes, he smells like urine. (but that's another story)

Yesterday my kids wanted to play superhero so I was the most awesome mom in the world and went on the internet and printed out masks for each of them. We cut them out and strung them around their faces. The towels I rubberbanded around their necks weren't working very well as capes, so Joseph had a brilliant idea! We printed masks off the computer, lets just print capes off the computer too!!

ummm....wait....

Where have all the Fa-rrers gone.....

...long time passing...wah wah...where have all the Fa-rrers gone....long time ago?

I'm so sorry its been ages since I last wrote but I have a ton-load of excuses starting with number 1. Please disregard my last post as it is totally invalid. After cleaning up poopy underwear for a year, I officially quit and put Joseph back in pull-ups. Yes, I'm the only mom in the universe with a 4 year old in pull-ups. It was just stressing us both out so bad that I said "forget it!!!" We were both relieved. He is perfectly happy to wear them and doesn't care that all his friends wear underwear. Nor does he care if I wipe his poopy bottom in front of his friends. Ahhhh....sweet relief.

Reason number 2. Dave's dad died on New Years Eve. He had a massive heart attack at 62 and just died suddenly. It was really weird to get that call and to tell Dave. It still seems so unreal. We went home for a week and helped Dave's mom figure things out. It was really good to be together with his amazing sibs and their spouses. We were able to laugh and hang-out a lot and share funny Rand stories. The hardest part was Joseph asking every day, "Where's Papa Farrer? I miss him." He loved his Papa Farrer so much and spent hours playing trains and cars with him. We all miss him. We now talk about Heavenly Father and Jesus a lot and how much Grandma misses papa Farrer too.

Reason number 3. Isaac is a little pill. (that is a term of endearment by the way) This child is practicing to be 2 although his b-day is not until July. He would rather eat out of the garbage can than eat his food in his high chair. In fact, he throws it all on the floor and then eats if off the floor when I get him down. As for his other favorite stunt, he LOVES the potty. One day as I was sitting on the potty myself with my head in my hands trying to hide from the world, I hear him come in, then splash! Do you remember Fillmore from the cars movie?? Well, he only takes organic fuel. Yes, he found plenty of it in my toilet. I nearly panicked and reached through my own urine to fish him out. What was I thinking??? I had the sense to take a breath and go get a rubber glove first thank heavens! He talks like crazy in real sentences! He calls his blanky "Nuggent". Not that we can even EAT chicken nuggets anymore. (See Reason number 4)

Reason number 4. Joseph is officially allergic to everything. List?? fish,nuts,soy,wheat,garlic,onion,pumpkin,turkey,peppers,mango,pineapple,orange,lemon,tomatoes, and my favorite.....sulfites. What the heck are sufites???look it up. its in almost every single thing you eat. We've been to both the allergist and the naturopath so we got both sides covered so no one can judge us. Did I mention we're also off cow's milk?? Well, if you're going to be a food freak, Portland is the place to do it right? "Keep Portland Weird", right? We're just doing our part. So I've spent most of the past week and a half researching what the heck our family CAN eat and spending a pretty penny at the health food stores. "Health Food???" Ok, so the people who shop there are scrawny, pale, and the sickliest people I've ever seen! Don't be offended, because now I'm ONE OF YOU!!! Urrgh! We drink goat milk and eat nasty gluten free bread. My poor kids eat rice animal crackers. We're going to starve to death. Luckily when Joseph is gone, me and Isaac binge on peanut butter(nuts) and jam(pectin, a sulfite) sandwiches(wheat)! I've told Dave he has to take me out to eat once a week so I don't die!

Which brings us to our next point. To make time for this whole change in our lives, I had to quit my oh so lucrative home business. I will no longer be selling Scentsy candles. Well, actually I have quite a nice supply in stock for 10% off if you find yourself in need of a little something special come Mothers Day or Christmas or Halloween or what have you. The main thing is you will be very disappointed that there will no longer be a Customer of the Week. You might find this a hard pill to swallow, but never fear! I'm replacing it with a "Freak Recipe of the Week" contest. You send me a recipe that is wheat,dairy,soy,nut,fish,sulfite,etc. free and you win!!! I'll be sitting by the phone waiting! Meanwhile my poor starving little family will be waiting too...eating nothing but....Easter eggs.

Potty Training In A Year

As we speak I'm getting all hopped up on Nyquil! The cold/cough/sore throat junk is hitting our fam for the 3rd time since October! Urrgh.

So, faithful followers, I've decided to write a book called, "Potty Training in a Year". (Maybe it should be "....Freakin' Year"!)I basically hate you if your kid was able to train in a day or "just decided to train themselves"! If you recall, I started with the "potty party" on January 1st of this year. I gave up in the spring,tried again in the summer, had some success in the fall, and now here we are the second day of winter...and you're all on the edge of your seat wondering....dun da da daaaah!

In fall, he was almost perfectly potty trained, except when he didn't want to go. He would cross his legs until he screamed out in pain! Good grief child! Go for pity's sake! Go! No, he would cry and cry in pain and not go. Now that happens only occasionally. He is still going through a phase where he has to change his underwear every time he goes potty. Laundry started to be ridiculous! we were running out of underwear every 2 days! Then we got wise and if it was REALLY clean and dry, we started re-folding it and putting it back in the "clean" pile. ha ha. Brilliant! Nowadays, he stays dry during naps(miracle!), and we're working on bedtime! He has stayed dry for a few nights now. All I'm saying is for those poor mothers with late late bloomers, don't give up!! This is what it takes.....LOTS of m&ms,then suckers, then cars, then craisins, then a soccer ball, 2 baseballs, a basketball, and fruit roll-ups. Just do that for a year. That'll work. And so help me..Isaac dang well better be one of those kids potty trains himself in a day before he's 2. (I just hate people with that story! So if your kid did that, don't tell me!!)

Oh wait! This is for YOU jamie! The customer of the month was my sister-in-law Jamie S. who had an "on-line Scentsy party" and earned $25 in free stuff and 2 half-price items. She also had an awesome party in November and got $60 in free stuff and more half-price items and a FREE plug-in. So if you're kickin' yourself for not buying anything in time for Christmas(or your husband needs a big fat hint).....Never fear! I still have a large inventory in my garage! woo hoo for you! www.scentsy.com/serenitynow MERRY CHRISTMAS!

BYU vs. U of U.... or..wait a minute....BSU?

I just wanted to let all you BYU and U of U fans out there know that Scentsy has come out with these really cool NCAA warmers! (They have BSU too, but c'mon does anyone really know anyone who goes there? no offense to my Meridian family/friends)

Part of the cost of the warmer goes toward the scholarship fund for that school! And the best part is.....I'm almost 99.999% sure that if you turn on your warmer on game day, your team will win!!!! What if BYU and the U are playing against each other??? Well, it's just a matter of who bought more warmers of which kind?

The only bad thing about these collegiate warmers??? There isn't a Utah State one!!! (yet)Where do I file my complaint?

Check them out at https://serenitynow.scentsy.us/Buy/Collection/97
(continue to the website!! continue to the website!! They're getting the bugs out of our new websites, so don't give up! keep trying!)

You know there's a fan in the family somewhere!! What a wonderful Christmas surprise!

AND as an added bonus, whichever team warmer I sell the most of, that is where I'll send Joseph and Isaac to college.....GO AGGIES!!!!....wait a minute.

Soccer Hoopla-la

So, its a proud moment when your eldest son starts sports. Joseph is a naturally inclined athlete, so of course, I was very excited to enroll him in soccer! I was pretty sure he'd be a total rockstar on the field. At the first practice I set up my camp chair ready to sit back and enjoy. I expected little kids to run in a pack chasing the ball up and down the field, but Joseph has always exceeded my expectations. He's very good at the kicking the ball, so he kicked it and ran and kicked it and ran further and further away, way out of our field into the mext 2 fields over. Ok, so maybe he didn't know why we were there. I showed him the cones and explained what they were there for. He still didn't get it. Then he just wanted to sit in my lap and watch. That's ok, cause his best buddy wanted to just sit by his mom and eat a sandwich. So I thought, "maybe next time he'll get it."
During the next practice he pretty much just hauled wood. Like, really. They had a woodpile and firepit nearby, so he hauled wood back and forth for most of the hour and picked up pinecones for the rest. When there were 5 minutes left, I told him to come back for treats and that got him back real quick.
The first game was real interesting. He still wasn't sure why we were there and he just wanted to haul wood. But his team needed him! So I convinced him to play. There were 4 kids from each team on the field at a time. When he got tired, he would come back and sit by me leaving 3 on the field. I'd yell for the coach to send someone else out! Another kid would run out on the field and then Joseph would want to play again and run back out, making 5 of our players on the field! Whenever he got a chance to kick, he'd kick it hard into someone else's game and just keep kicking and running til the coach or I could catch up! Funny kid! But a real fast runner! The last game took on a whole new twist. When he was tired and ran to me for a pit stop, he meant it. I had to change all 4 tires: Rrr.Rrr....Rrr.Rrr....RrrrRrrr....RrrrRrr. and then fill him up with gas before he could run back out on the field. His coach was laughing...alot.
So, apparently he takes after us more than we thought. Although he is built like an athlete, he doesn't have a clue what the heck he's doing out there, but I still really enjoy getting out and sitting in my camp chair. Go Joseph! Score a homerun for mom and dad!....uh...I mean..a 3 pointer?! woo hoo!

My plug(ha ha) for Scentsy of course is this! Scentsy broke an all-time record and sold out of the cutest Jack-o-lantern warmer in 10 days! Then they ordered 11,400 more and sold out in 9 days. They ordered 10,000 more and who know how fast they'll go! Order yours now at www.scentsy.com/serenitynow To see a picture of these oh so cute pumpkins, go to....
https://www.scentsy.com//repsites/frm_replicated_content.aspx?page_id=NEW
I've ordered a few extra so let me know if you want one before they're all gone!
jo

Parachute anyone?

Dave warned me that if I title it that, I'll have crazy people coming out of the woodwork! I'll take my chances!

So, a while back I took the boys to the Children's Museum with my friend Angie and her kids. One of the museum workers brought out a parachute. You know, the kind where everyone sits in a circle and takes a handle and you lift it up and down. So, Joseph grabbed a handle and I sat behind him. The worker gave instructions on what to do. Joseph wasn't following very well, so I told him to listen to the man and sit down on his knees like the other kids. He didn't do "up...down" so I said it with the man, "up....down...up...down." Finally Joseph had enough of my back seat parachuting and dropped it to go play something else.

Now, have I really become that kind of mom? The kind that makes kids do it right until they don't want to do it at all. Emphatically NOT! You see, I have a history with parachutes in particular. I spent a lot of years in elementary school and then 5 years teaching preschool and I just REALLY HATED it when kids wouldn't follow the directions! I'm mean come on! up....down...up...down. And what really irritated me was when kids would let go and run to the middle when they weren't supposed to or wouldn't go under and sit on their hands to make a big puff ball when they WERE supposed to!! Or just step on the parachute so no one could play at all! But the worst of all, the mother of all parachute sins, was dropping the ball! When the ball comes your way, lift UP for pity's sake! LIFT UP! For once I just wanted to play parachute with kids who care! Kids who wanted to make it work! What were they thinkin? Were they having fun ruining it for me? It's not all fun and games you know!

So basically, what I'm asking for is a group of people who want to do it right!....But who won't get mad at me if I drop the ball.